i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
