sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
