who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
