And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he thought i was a dude.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
