I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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