Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
