Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
