I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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