I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So vagazzling was a success
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
