ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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