I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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