Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
