note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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