Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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