was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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