she looked like the bat from fern gully.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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