Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
