Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My ATM looks so different sober.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
