Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
