You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
