Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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