I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
