I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they're like a gay fantastic four
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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