I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
