so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
