We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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