can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
