Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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