i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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