when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
