omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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