When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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