I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
