girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
