I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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