then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
