Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
