gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
