his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
