WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
