Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
