Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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