Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize