does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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