Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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