Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
