why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
