Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Damn victory sex feels great
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