I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
