Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
