Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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