Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
