When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
