tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
