now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
