Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
