The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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